Kanye, Kim and Pete
Illuminati Death Cult-
“Hey Pete Davidson, looks like you struck gold with Ariana, but she’s the limelight. What if we said we could make you the Ultimate Celebrity?”
Pete- No shit? Lit, what do I have to do?
Death Cult: We need a trade, heart for heart. You take away Arianas heart and you will become the identity of Fame.
Pete: No way dude, that’s my girlfriend. I can’t kill her.
Death cult: Take away her heart, kill who she loves most.
Pete: ahh shit, ight, I’ll kill Mac.
Ariana: Pete, you killed Mac for fame and fortune. I hate you, we’re done!
Pete: oh no, what have I done? Y’all tricked me. I lost my girl and now I’m depressed.
Death Cult- Just wait Pete, We always hold up our end of the deal. Sure, Ariana is gone in your life but we will make up for it. We convinced her to tell the world you have a huge cock.
You will be just fine.
Pete: No I won’t! You killed my love.. I’m depressed.
Death: ah fuck Pete, get over it. Who else do ya want?
Pete: I mean Kim Kardashian would be nice..
Death Cult: Well fuck, she’s with Ye. I mean, it can be done, we just need a little time. We tried to make it happen but Kanye went fucking crazy and we had to send him to the psych ward. Let us ease into and enjoy a few other girls for the mean time.
Pete: Ight then, btw, I have one more possible request.
Death Cult: You’re walking a thin line Davidson.
Pete: Right. Look, Emeniem just destroyed my homeboys music career. He’s about to off himself and I can’t have that. Can you pull him back up from this downfall?
Who’s he need to off?
Death Cult: He good. He already killed lil peep for us, Emeniem battle was just a push to ignite his light into the tunnel of superstardom. We’re hooking him up with Travis Barker. He’s earned his ranks in here, they about to shine again.
Death Cult: Yeah, just wait. He wants that hot bitch from the transformers movies. But she married with kids.. We’re using our MK ultra tactics to reel her in..
get this, we are grooming her to be into homosexuals that are heterosexual. MGK will wear a dress and it will turn her on. Haha
Pete: Ha, Sick.
Death Cult: Just wait until you see what we have planned for March 2020 😂
Pete: Will I get laid?
Death Cult: Ha Yeah, plus we’re gonna fuck up YE’s life right after and you can swoop in and get Kim. Travis dream girl was Courtney so we’re gonna hook him up first and that be your way in.
YE: Ima kill you Pete.
That’s my way back in, bitch.
To be continued….
You know, one of the things I was always slow to really delve into is just how much of celebrity success is intertwined with the occult. I used to just think it was all selection bias--yes, thousands go to LA or try to be NBA players but some are going to have to make it, and since it's so competitive lots of people will try weird, fringe stuff, some of those will be successful and we'll hear about it.
But damn, the Travis Scott* concert thing. Just recently I learned Tom Brady's wife is a witch**. I'm definitely coming around. All this stuff...
Problem is, I have no idea what to do with this information. I really have no aptitude or desire to practice any of this stuff, and the more I learn the more paranoid I am that it isn't something you can just ignore.
*I cannot find anything about the man that justifies his celebrity. He is a just boring, mumbler, not particularly unique style or anything--but somehow is like the 3rd biggest star in the world? What happened to like Freddy Mercury or Prince or David Bowie or Michael Jackson-- say what you will about those people, but a least they had unique presence!
**I mean, at some point his performance is such an outlier that the fact he straight up seems to attribute it to his wife casting spells needs to start to be considered as a possible explanation.
Sadly it is ALL of them, it probably always was 🙁